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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30129834">Make me feel again.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/recklesserenade/pseuds/recklesserenade'>recklesserenade</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, ErwinxMike, Eventual Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Unrequited Love, eruri - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 03:02:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,019</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30129834</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/recklesserenade/pseuds/recklesserenade</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Roses are red, violets are blue... and they taste like crap.<br/>If Levi kept loving him he'd die, simple as that. But he couldn't stop his feelings, the only thing he was completely sure about in life was that Erwin Smith was the one for him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi Ackerman &amp; Erwin Smith, Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Make me feel again.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello there!!<br/>i had no idea hanahaki was a thing until i stumbled upon it on tiktok and i just couldn't get it out of my head.<br/>also i only know the 'basics' to hanahaki, so i'll be taking many liberties with it.<br/>&lt;3</p>
<p>* 花吐き病,  a fictional disease where the victim of unrequited or one-sided love begins to vomit or cough up the petals and flowers of a flowering plant growing in their lungs.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The first time it happened Levi was sixteen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was walking home from Hange’s - his friend's house, the boy had agreed to finally get started on their science project but it ended up in Hange doing most work while he laid on their bed, listening to how the other excitedly talked about...what was it? Atoms? Ions? Something along those lines. With the sun setting on the distance, the orange hue made his skin look golden and not it’s usual pale shade, he took his phone out to snap a picture of the sky. The clouds were all sorts of colors, pink, orange, purple. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After taking the perfect picture he sent it through text to Erwin, he’d love it. He was Levi’s best friend, he was a year older and going into the same school as him. They met by accident almost a year ago, in the tiny office of his history teacher. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He remembers that day clear as water, walking inside as if he owned the office and dropping some old text books on the teachers desk. The raven sighed, mumbling a “if being the teacher’s pet for a bit gets me an A...” That’s when the door closed. He remembers thinking he had been caught by his teacher, if it had been like that he wouldn’t have ended up with the highest grade in his class. “Don’t let Mr. Smith hear that.” Levi was relieved to find someone else there, a tall blonde kid, with neat yet bushy eyebrows and a welcoming smile. “Don’t tell him I said anything,” Levi chuckled and made his way to the door, stopping on his tracks when the boy spoke again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m Erwin.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Levi.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After that they always bumped into each other in the same place, soon enough he found out Mr. Smith was Erwin’s father. He should’ve added the pieces up sooner but Smith was a pretty common surname after all. In just a few weeks they became friends and even though they didn’t have the same schedules or friend groups due to Erwin being a year older, they made time to hang out with each other. Levi was happy to call him his best friend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After sending the text with the picture he quickly received a reply, ‘cute! you’re never going to stop thinking about me when you see pretty sunsets, right?’ Levi rolled his eyes, ‘ew.’ Erwin was right though. They had talked about the many things they liked multiple times and since Erwin had mentioned that he liked sunsets and sunrises Levi made it his mission to snap pictures and send them. So the answer to his question was yes, colorful skies and fluffy clouds reminded him of Erwin and the way he was with him, warm, nice and- a cough. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Levi placed his hand over his chest at the sudden sharp pain there. It felt like he couldn’t breathe for a moment. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What the fuck, </span>
  </em>
  <span>his chest tightened, </span>
  <em>
    <span>god no. Not a panic attack. Not here. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The boy started getting nervous, it was difficult to breathe and his throat was starting to get dry. With shaky hands he leaned against the wall of a house he was passing by and he coughed, and coughed, and then coughed some more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The last cough made him feel like he was about to die right there and then but then he felt relieved and could breathe properly again, well, that would’ve been a completely true statement if there hadn’t been a weird...object? in his mouth? Levi moved his hand up, opened his mouth and almost immediately something fell out of it. He was quick enough to catch it before it could fly away with the wind. He examined it closely. “A petal?” Levi’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A single purple petal came out of his mouth and he had no idea why or how. Did he accidentally swallow it? How? And when? The boy opened his backpack and threw the petal inside before he continued his walk back home. He tried to come up with a response to all his questions but nothing made sense. When he got home he went straight to his room, not even bothering to tell his uncle the weird thing that had happened. He’d call him crazy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t give it much thought after. A few days passed and in no time it faded from his memory but he’d be reminded of it whenever he’d get those chest pains. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next time it happened he was in Erwin’s room. Levi was sitting on the bed while Erwin was at his desk, his head on his hands as he stared at Levi. The one to break the silence was the younger boy, “what’s up with you?” Erwin looked away for a mere second before looking back at Levi. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I like someone.” Once Erwin said that the pain started, subtle but enough to be felt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh?,” Levi smiled. “Who? Someone from school?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mhm.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do I know her?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Erwin bit on his bottom lip, he only did that when he was nervous and Levi noticed it straight away. “Him,” the blonde corrected him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At least a hundred thoughts went through Levi’s mind. </span>
  <em>
    <span>God. Let it be me. I’ll pray and all if it’s me plea- </span>
  </em>
  <span>his train of thought was interrupted by Erwin’s voice, “it’s Mike. You know him, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Levi forced a smile but it faded quickly as he coughed, covering his mouth with the palm of his hand. “Yeah. He’s...cool, yeah.” His chest started feeling tight again. “Better introduce me properly to your next boyfriend or I’ll kill you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As much as he hated to admit it, Levi liked Erwin. It started out as an innocent little crush but now it was more than that, he had never felt love before but he was sure that was what he felt towards the other. He first noticed when he started to get excited just by seeing him down the hallways, his heart would beat just a tad faster and his legs walked itself to wherever the blonde kid would be. But, this was an important moment. Erwin trusted him enough to tell him he liked guys, he could be sad about the fact it wasn’t him at night in his room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t tell anyone though,” Erwin got up from his desk and ruffled Levi’s dark locks. “It’s a secret for now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My lips are sealed.” He looked up at him for a brief second before coughing again.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you sick? Want me to get you water?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Levi just nodded. When Erwin walked outside his room and downstairs Levi started to cough and just like last time a purple petal came out of his mouth. He felt sick and his chest was hurting. He promised himself that if it happened again he’d tell someone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you smell that?” Erwin asked as he closed the door, giving Levi a tall glass of water. The boy shook his head no while taking a sip. “Smells...,” he sat next to Levi, thinking. “Sweet and fresh? Did you bring me flowers?” Erwin joked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why would I ever do that?” Levi laughed, his left hand curled up into a fist, the petal hiding inside of it. When Erwin wasn’t looking he put it inside his backpack. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When it happened for a third time he was with Hange sitting outside the school on some benches. Hange’s head was resting on Levi’s shoulder, the trees around them were starting to bloom with small white flowers, “I don’t like spring,” Hange said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is the first time I hear you say you don’t like something,” Levi laughed, “why not?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The flowers.” Hange scrunched their nose a bit, “they make me sneeze.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They make me cough.” The boy said and Hange laughed, he was telling the truth though. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Levi spotted Erwin right away, he was walking outside the school building with someone else. He was around his height, had dirty blonde hair and, to Levi’s liking, he was standing </span>
  <em>
    <span>too close</span>
  </em>
  <span> to Erwin. It was Mike. Erwin’s smile was bright, he seemed happy to be next to the boy he liked. Even though Levi was one to keep things in, his facial expression was enough to let anyone understand what was going through his mind and Hange noticed. They always did. “Oh god, Levi- Why’d it take me so long to notice!?” Hange looked at Levi, a grin on their face. “You like </span>
  <em>
    <span>him!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” The color on Levi’s face drained.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Be quiet. He doesn’t need to know that,” his eyes going back and forth to where Erwin was, “it would ruin everything and he doesn’t feel the same.” The boy rubbed his temple, clearing his throat when he felt the all familiar chest pain. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit. His loss,” Hange ruffled Levi’s hair, their hand moving away immediately when the boy went into a coughing fit. Both his hands covered his mouth, he knew what was going to happen next, the feeling of something go up his throat and set on his mouth. It was gross. With one final cough the small flower escaped his lips and landed on his hands. A dainty purple flower, it was small, pretty even. “Hange...” Levi said quietly, glossy eyes looking up at his friend. “Please help me.” For the first time he felt scared, not knowing why this was happening made him anxious. Hange took his hands into their own, eyes focused on the intricate flower. Maybe the fact that they were into science and weird stuff, as Levi called it, could help this time. They were smarter than anyone he knew. “Tell me all about whatever this is, Levi. Everything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They ended up ditching school for the rest of the day and went to Hange’s place. While sitting on the couch in their living room Levi told them everything he knew, which wasn’t much but Hange listened intently before pushing their glasses up, fingers typing away on the small laptop that was on their legs. “Puking flowers?” Hange typed out. “I cough them out,” the boy corrected them, sitting closer to look at the screen. “Same thing, Levi.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After looking up on multiple websites that said absolutely nothing, they stumbled on a website that hadn’t been updated in years. The title read ‘</span>
  <b>
    <em>Hanahaki Disease: legend or reality?’ </em>
  </b>
  <span>Levi put his head on his hands as he read, nervously biting on his bottom lip. No one knew if it was an actual thing, Levi could prove it was real though. The website stated that the cases of said disease were almost zero, the only proof of it was a picture of an old japanese newspaper that told the story of how a young woman had been found dead, flowers surrounded her entire room and they filled up her mouth. The website also said that it could be treated, even if people treated this sickness as a myth there was a group of doctors that were doing research on it. What they knew so far, thanks to the unlucky lady that had died, was that it would start thanks to unrequited love. It made zero sense to Levi. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So...” Levi nervously laughed. “I either pull money from god knows where and get treatment to-“ he touched his chest “get whatever is going on inside removed or I’m gonna die?” He looked at Hange. “All because I fucking love someone that doesn’t love me back? How fucked up is that-“ Hange took Levi’s hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. “You’re shaking.” “No shit, Hange. I’m gonna die.” They shook their head no, “I’ll fix this. I’m gonna get you the help you need just...at least tell your uncle.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Levi sighed and hid his face on Hange’s shoulder. This day was horrible. It made no sense yet it was accurate. His chest started to feel tight but no cough came this time, it was just the anxiety getting the best of him. He’d have to talk to Kenny about this, the chances of getting made fun of where high. But it was either that or have him find Levi dead with no explanation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dying for someone they loved... in some other context it would seem romantic. A brave act but now Levi didn’t think like that anymore. He knew his feelings for Erwin weren’t going to disappear, he was doomed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he got home he carefully placed the petals and the flower on the table and waited for Kenny to get home. The older man got closer to him and noticed the flowers, he froze. “Where did you get those?” The tone on his voice was a mix of anger and sadness. “Kenny I-,” Levi sighed before continuing, “I know it won’t make sense but I coughed them out and-“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The man stopped him, sitting in front of him. His hands interlocked as he set them on the table. “I know what this is.” Levi was about to start asking questions but with just one look from Kenny he knew he’d better let him speak. “Us Ackerman have the world's shittiest luck, kid. I know you don’t remember but Kuchel...” he stopped for a second, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he pointed at the flower, “this is what got her.” Levi’s face dropped. “It was all fast. We knew this had happened before in the family, we thought it was complete and utter bullshit until it happened to her. I never even considered that it could happen again.” He sounded stressed. “Levi. You know what’s going to happen to you, don’t you?” A nod. “Now tell me. Who’s the bastard that got you like this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Levi ended up coming clean to his uncle, telling him everything. To his surprise he was understanding, supporting even and despite the chaos that was going in his life, he felt happy. It wasn’t always that he had meaningful conversations with Kenny, they usually ended up arguing over small dumb stuff and Levi would be too stubborn to admit Kenny was right while Kenny would be too proud to say sorry. The conversation ended with a, “There were some doctors that wanted to help her. They got here too late,” he got up from the table, “that won’t happen this time, kid. I promise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For the next couple of weeks, Levi and Kenny managed to get a hold of said doctors. They were supposed to come to the city in the next couple of days and Levi was so relieved. For a few days his coughing fits had been more frequent, he couldn’t even remember how many times he’d run off from class just to go cough out some flowers in the bathroom. The smell of violets seemed to become Levi’s natural scent, if the circumstances were different he wouldn’t have minded the smell but it was starting to get to him, no matter how many times he sprayed his usual perfume on, the hints of fresh flowers seeped through in no time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Levi found himself kneeling on the dirty bathroom floor in front of the toilet, he felt sick and so weak. He could feel the tears pricking in his eyes but he didn’t even get to cry before the coughing began again. Leaning in he managed to cough out not one but three small flowers, he flushed straight away and wiped his eyes. “I wanna die.” The boy murmured at the same time someone knocked on the stall door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Levi? Is that you?” Erwin’s voice came from outside, “Are you okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck, hey…” Levi opened the door and looked up at Erwin, he seemed worried. “I’m...decent. It was probably something I ate,” he lied, going to wash his hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Y’know, whenever you lie your cheeks turn pink.” Erwin confronted him. “You’ve been sick for a month now?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The black haired boy leaned against the sick, sighing as he rubbed his cheek with the side of his hand. “Yeah. I don’t know what’s up with me, it’s annoying.” Levi knew that if he told Erwin he’d have to explain everything. Actually everything. He was not ready to tell him that A, he had a weird disease that didn’t even sound real, B he’d most likely die if the doctors couldn’t help him and C, that he was deeply in love with him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want me to take you home?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please,” the smaller boy leant his head on Erwin’s shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two stayed like that for a moment, until Levi moved away. In no time they were in Levi’s house and Erwin was adamant in nursing him until he felt better. So there he was, Levi laying in  bed with the bedsheets up to his ears, he was pretty much hiding from Erwin who was at the bottom of the bed replying to some messages on his phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it Mike?” Levi asked, his eyes and the top of his head being the only thing visible.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Erwin nodded before he put his phone away and moved to lay next to Levi, somehow they managed to lay together although Erwin used up most of the space, “He wanted to know if I was seeing him later,” he laid on his side to get a better look of Levi, “but I’m staying here until you feel better. This is more,” he thought for a moment, “important.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Levi was glad the bed sheets covered half of his face. “I don’t need a nanny,” he coughed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Erwin laughed and with his right hand he pushed away some of Levi’s hair, tucking it behind his ear with a caring smile. “Be quiet and let me take care of you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The boy groaned but leaned into his touch, his eyes closing. Things like this made Levi realize how much he liked his best friend, no one - besides Kenny and his mother - cared like this for him. No one but him would lay in bed, miss classes to make sure he was okay or give him soft comforting touches. He knew that Erwin thought nothing of it, it was all platonic for him but Levi couldn’t help or control his feelings, he was definitely screwed. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading all that!<br/>please let me know what you think down in the comments ^^<br/>this fic might be short since i'm planning on making a few timeskips to see how Levi and the relationship with Erwin evolves. <br/>comments n kudos are always appreciated ♡<br/>find me on: <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@recklesserenades">tiktok</a> ! let's talk!<br/>take care and have a lovely weekend,</p></blockquote></div></div>
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